Hospital and more

Wow, it’s been a while since I last posted. Probably has something to do with being in the hospital.

This has truly been a difficult period in my life … in our lives. On August 11th, I went into the hospital for what was supposed to be surgery and one night’s stay. That one surgery and one night stay turned into so much more. Eight days, uncountable tests, and two surgeries later I finally went home with a stint in a bile duct.

I feel like I have been beaten up. In those eight days, I couldn’t have solid food; just liquids or for four days … nothing at all!!! So far, I have lost about 16 pounds and still losing. Hopefully that will regulate soon. Next week Yadith has surgery, and just 12 days later I need to go back to the hospital for another procedure. I am praying that this will be it; if this doesn’t work, the alternative is not something I want.

I did not expect to have this issue or spend that long in the hospital; however, here we are. I have had to change my diet and am still getting used to what I can eat without consequences. I am told that if this procedure doesn’t work, then I will have another more serious surgery; if it does work, then I will probably have to repeat the procedure (sphincterotomy of the sphincter of oddi) every 10 to 15 years. This is not exactly great news; but it could have been worse.; at least I do not have pancreatic cancer … praise God.

Recovery is fun … LOL. OK, not quite. But I am starting to feel better; I just have some unusual pains in the right side. The incisions are healing, and I can use the muscles a little more … this is all good news.

On the spiritual side I have to say that I have learned a lot … more than I could have ever learned in another situation.

During the week after I was told I had pancreatic cancer I did a lot of “soul searching” and finally acquiesced to God. I finally got to the point where I could say “Lord, your will be done,” but “please give me the strength to get through it.” Since then I have been getting closer to God and my wife.

It is amazing; even now I am learning as my wife goes for surgery. I feel as though I must give her to God as a sacrifice. This sounds insane I know. I have never loved another person like I love Yadith, nor will I ever again. But I must not place her before my Lord, my God. I must accept God’s will for both of our lives and trust in Him. I do, but it is hard. It is so hard to see my wife go through this as well. God is faithful though … He is providing the strength.
We are still learning, but wow, what a journey!!

Things I have learned

He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. - Job 2:10

Wow ... what a week? On July 31st I was told that I needed to have my gall bladder removed, but more importantly that it looked like I had pancreatic cancer that had metastasized to ...

All I could think was "How much time did I have left?" and "How could God do this?" I mean, I just got married, Yadith's uncle past away, I already had surgery, and Yadith being diagnosed with thyroid cancer - ll in the last four months. Are you kidding? This as well?

So many things went through my mind in those last few days. I discovered so many things about myself, many of them that I didn't like. After struggling for weeks with everything, this was the last straw; I couldn't bear any more. I finally gave up; I finally gave it all to God.

Isn't it funny that we think we have control over anything? Isn't it funny how we are so proud? Who am I that I think I can tell God what to do? Who am I that I think I can manipulate our Lord?

I tried to manipulate God; how many know that this is really not a great idea and it certainly doesn't work?

It took me several weeks to learn and to surrender.

Just because I don't like something doesn't mean that it is not the best way. Just because I am hurting does not mean that God does not love me; perhaps just the opposite. Thank you Vince for your wisdom, experience, and knowledge. Thank you Lord for not leaving me; in fact just the opposite. Thank you Lord for loving me so much.

I can't believe it took all of this to get my attention. I made a commitment several years ago to God; I accepted Christ as my Saviour. Maybe I should say He accepted me. I made my prayer Galations 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." But yet I found many character flaws these past several weeks; I do not like them, and I pray and ask that the Lord helps me change them.

How can I be so unfaithful Lord? Yet you still love me so much! How can I say such thing about you? Yet you still love me so!

I need surgery, my wife needs surgery, and I have a kidney problem - yes, but I will praise you Lord. I will thank you for what all you have given me - I am yours! Thank you for bringing me back. Thank you for not forgetting about your servant. Thank you for humbling me.

This is the perfect opportunity for me to decrease and you to increase - may this be evident in my life. May You be evident in my life.

Thinking ...

I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. - psalm 16:8